Analyse this – Euroguff Day 23

No games today, so in Test Match Special stylee, I shall guff on about something tangential whilst alternating between an unfathomably posh voice and a heavily accented one. 

Here at Prediction Towers we love bit of nerdery, so away with anecdotes about cake, pigeons or passing buses, here’s a trip into the Euroguff analytics.

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Left to my own devices
42% of predictors used a mobile phone to get their hands on Euroguff news. That over-indexes against the expected platform distribution.
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Truly an international event
Visitors from fifteen countries have had their passports stamped with the Euroguff logo. I am particular intrigued to see that the game was accessed once from the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. 

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Social media
62% of visits came via social referral, with Twitter being eight times more potent than facebook
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 – Mark Zuckerberg buying a commemorative plate for $1bn, yesterday

Who’s the Linux user!?
Bill Gates will not be happy that 78% of visits come from Euroguffers rocking Apple operating systems. Just 29% from Windows and there was one sweaty boffin using Linux lentilware.

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 – Bill Gates with the new Microsoft Surface tablet, yesterday

Euroguff archive

The self preservation society – Euroguff day 22

Well done Balotelli
Are Italy peaking at the right moment?

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Spain v Italy – the Final
How Euroguffers see it. Not many had the Italians getting all the way to the final.
  • Spain: 37% to win the final and 31% to lose the final
  • Italy: 2% to win the final and 3% to lose the final
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Penultimate table after the two semi-final exits
Super Name Super Mario Name
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 76
2= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 64
2= Fabio Crapello Martin B 64
2= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 64
5= Tim Henman david hickson 62
5= roy the hodgson harvey 62
5= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 62
5= Swiss T Thomas Angst 62
9= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 60
9= Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
9= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 60
9= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 60
13= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 58
13= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 58
13= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 58
13= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 58
13= Gazza Gary Taylor 58
13= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 58
19= B B Foot Rory 56
19= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
19= Canary Simon Barnes 56
19= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 56
19= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 56
19= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 56
19= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 56
26= DK Willy DK 54
26= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 54
26= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 54
26= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 54
26= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 54
31= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 52
31= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 52
31= Mozzer Paul Conroy 52
31= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 52
35= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 50
35= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 50
35= Don revie Simon Andrews 50
35= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 50
35= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 50
35= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 50
35= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 50
35= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 50
35= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 50
35= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 50
35= Trap A Tony Tony Power 50
46= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 48
46= Steve Mclaren JT 48
46= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 48
46= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 48
46= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 48
46= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 48
52= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
52= El Pringle Keith Pringle 44
52= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
52= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 44
56= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
56= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
56= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 42
56= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 42
56= Lorem Ipsum Jon D 42
56= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
62= Strev87 dave strevett 40
62= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
64 Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 36

How long does it take to make a piece of string?
Brilliant Euro 2012 animation
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX-2dVgo0eY&w=500&h=417]

Tweet to the beat

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Paying the ultimate penalty – Euroguff day 21

People are ready to put Ronaldo on trial for Portugal's penalty exit, but he has declined to answer questions and has taken the fifth.

Either way, the Portugese are homeward bound,??so who gets to play Spain in the final?

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Semi Final 2: Germany v Italy
More guffpoints up for grabs tonight. 22% have Italy crying onto their carpaccio whereas 17% have the Germans weeping on their weisswurst????

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??-??Mario Ballotelli's hair farm, yesterday

Points with only two matches left

Fourth penalty Fifth penalty
1 Paulo Di Harringtonio Paul Harrington 76
2= Fabio Crapello Martin B 64
2= Stevie's Wunders Steve Andrews 64
4= Tim Henman david hickson 62
4= Brown Fox Jim Chambers 62
4= Swiss T Thomas Angst 62
7= Ronaldo McDonald?? Cephas Howard?? 60
7= Yankee's Spankers Dave Robertshaw 60
7= Vuvuzela???? Sandra Benfer 60
7= Anjusha Klins-Morinho Anna Wilson 60
11= Sepp Bladder Carl Mesner Lyons 58
11= Simon Grayson Paul Revy 58
11= roy the hodgson harvey 58
11= Arsenedof Nowhere Darren Hanson 58
11= Simoneo Huesserelli Simon Huesser 58
11= Gazza Gary Taylor 58
11= Hansi Mueller Bernd Friedle 58
18= B B Foot Rory 56
18= Mrs Euroguff Mrs Carlosfandango_ 56
18= Canary Simon Barnes 56
18= Christophe Woodini Chris Wood 56
18= Hatch's Heros Chris Matthews 56
18= The Special [Measures] One Tim Donnelly Smith 56
18= Letina lotagoals?? Berry 56
25= DK Willy DK 54
25= Harry Redface Dan McGrath 54
25= Naven Johnson Eddie Vassallo 54
25= Kicker Conspiracy Tim Fiddies 54
29= Scotty McNasty Andrew Robb 52
29= Mozzer Paul Conroy 52
29= Wheat Dodger Leanne McGirr 52
29= Del Garnett Darren Gavigan 52
33= Benny The Ball Nick Townend 50
33= Don revie Simon Andrews 50
33= Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) Matt Brooke-Smith 50
33= Earsane Wanger Paul Shaw 50
33= Tom Laidlaw Tom Laidlaw 50
33= Toy Dodgson Kelsey O 50
33= Ivor Greatidea Steve Edney 50
33= Bring Back Bobby Robson Dan Jamieson 50
33= Is Pele Playing? John Orta 50
33= Wicked Woy Wodgson David Patterson 50
43= Andy Grey Darren Holdaway 48
43= Dario Made-the-Gradi David of Crook 48
43= Toy Bodgson Tom Barton 48
43= Dirk Diggler Nik Goodman 48
47= Roy Hodgson John Catterfeld 46
47= Trap A Tony Tony Power 46
49= 2012sheds Pete smith 44
49= El Pringle Keith Pringle 44
49= Steve Mclaren JT 44
49= Mr. Awesome Geroge Pokorny 44
49= Big Ron Colonel Saunders Andrew Hartland 44
49= Normski Gunner Norman House 44
49= Claudio Inglesias Failte Claude Tonna-Barthet 44
56= Bayer Neverlusen Rob Broome 42
56= Mike Bassett Eamonn Newell 42
56= McFuddle 'O Toole Gordon?? 42
56= George Osborne is a twat Andy Young 42
56= Lorem Ipsum Jon D 42
56= Bill Shankly Bob Steadman 42
62= Strev87 dave strevett 40
62= Septic Tank Charlton Jeremy Crisp 40
64 Messi Gardener Johnny T?? 38
65 Soccer Sage Mike Xenakis 36

Archive of all Euroguffery??

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Mano-a-mano – Euroguff day 20

NEW GIMMICK – Euroguff Quiz!
As every 1940s public schoolboy knows, the Iberian Peninsula is located in the extreme southwest of Europe and includes the modern-day sovereign states of Spain, Portugal and Andorra, as well as the British Overseas Territory Gambling Capital of Gibraltar.

As such, Iberia is the westernmost of the three major southern European peninsulas. But what are the other two? Answer at the end of this post.

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Semi Final 1: Spain v Portugal
29% of Euroguffers have Spain losing in the semi finals and 14% have Portugal going out tonight. Let's hope they play fair. We don't want to see anyone jamon it up.

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??- Ronaldo, with another new hairstyle, yesterday

Secrets of a WINNER
Paulo Di Harringtonio, currently leader of the pack (but not in that way) shares his prediction methodology. Paulo, an IT whizz-boffin linked up an authentic WWII Enigma machine to a ZX81 and a Microsoft Zune to compute all the permutations and spill out his match predictions.

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Quiz answer
s??lnsu??u??d u????l??q pu?? u????l????I

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Official Prediction Game Baby – Euroguff day 19

Congratulations to Euroguffer Lorem Ipsum (@JonDavie) and wife Amanda. Jon may be languishing in 63rd position, but he is officially top of the world after fathering a small child in the early hours of yesterday morning.??

By the grace of God, the world's newest Scouser arrived at 4.30am Monday morning, thus avoiding England's penalty exit being his first experience of the world.
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??- Available in all good branches of Aldi, yesterday

Sort of NSFW
In case you've not seen this yet,??England Fan Flashes Italian Penalty Taker

Your favourite football cliches
"It's a game of two halves" was particularly popular:

Andy Grey Ron Atkinson on Chile's options: "Chile have three options ??? they could win or they could lose. It???s up to them, the tide is in their court now."
DK Willy In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life
Tim Henman "Players lose you games, not tactics. There's so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to win at dominoes."?? – HRH Brian Clough
2012sheds gave it 110%
Dario Made-the-Gradi You just can't do that at this level!
Bayer Neverlusen "Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particuar job."
Roy Hodgson Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I'm very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.
Sepp Bladder The world cup – truly an international event
El Pringle Interesting, very interesting.
Mike Bassett I'm not getting ahead of myself. I'm just taking it one tie-breaker at a time.
Simon Grayson It's a bad time to concede ('cause there are good times??)
roy the hodgson football,bloody hell!
B B Foot At the end of the day
McFuddle 'O Toole Did you smash it?
Benny The Ball Like I said, we gave it 110% like I said.
Strev87 'Football is not a matter of life or death, but rather something more important'
Scotty McNasty For a big lad, he's good with his feet
Steve Mclaren If football was meant to be played in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there.
Ronaldo McDonald?? "Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." Ron Atkinson

Or anything by Ron, hilarious :)??
Don revie Dirty Leeds
Jigsaw (goes to pieces in the box) The most important thing is that we got the three points (Wayne Bridge aka Trigger as Chelsea beat Arsenal in the Carling Cup Final)
Earsane Wanger It's a game of 2 halves innit?
Tom Laidlaw You don't win games without scoring goals.
Toy Dodgson It's balls in the back of the net that count….
Brown Fox I AM NOT A WHEELER DEALER.
Harry Redface Eeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaauuuuuuhhhhhhhhhaaaaawwwwwwwwww…Unbelievable!!!!! (Gary Neville – Torres Goal / Semi final Champion's League)
Ivor Greatidea I just hit it
George Osborne is a twat "These things tend to even themselves out over the course of a season"
Arsenedof Nowhere He's got a great left peg
Septic Tank Charlton Isn't it called soccer?
Simoneo Huesserelli Every game is a cup final now
Lorem Ipsum Football.?? Bloody Hell.
Bring Back Bobby Robson Pump it at the big man – England manager
Tiki taka my arse – England fan
We're just not very good at football – England Dan
Mr. Awesome Jose Mourinho is a little twat.
Naven Johnson I will lost this tiebreaker for sure 😉
Mrs Euroguff Tremendous!
Is Pele Playing? It usually comes down to which team scores the most.
Toy Bodgson Football's just a branch of science
Kicker Conspiracy Eyebrows to the back stick
Canary Its a gmae of 2 halves
Soccer Sage The team that scores the most points will win.
Yankee's Spankers two world wars and one world cup, doodah, doodah
Bill Shankly Not so much a cliche, more the best fan shout I've ever heard.

At CPFC, Alan Pinkney was having a shocker. The shout went up "Pinkney, you're so shite they should take you off and bring on Perkney!!"

Gazza If Everton were playing at the bottom of the garden, I'd pull the curtains.
Paulo Di Harringtonio "Sh*t – did you see that?" – Alan Partridge
Mozzer Alex Ferguson

"Football. Bloody hell!"

Hansi Mueller after the match is before the match
Vuvuzela???? Andi M??ller: Mailand oder Madrid – Hauptsache Italien!

Andy Moeller: Milan or Madrid – mainly Italy!

Wheat Dodger It's a game of two halves.
Wicked Woy Wodgson I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.
Fabio Crapello It's a game of two halves…
Christophe Woodini It's a game of two halves??
Anjusha Klins-Morinho It's a game of two halves!
Big Ron Colonel Saunders its deja vue all over again
Hatch's Heros Six of one, half a dozen of another.
Trap A Tony I think there gonna try and nick one early door and then park the bus / shut up shop (delete as necessary).??
The Special [Measures] One "If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus."
Messi Gardener It's a game of two halves.??
Stevie's Wunders My heart goes out to the lads.??
Normski Gunner We need to give 110% to win this game and we will give that maximum effort today, Brian!
Claudio Inglesias Failte We were robbed
Letina lotagoals?? DES … It's the bitter tasting icing on the filthy tasting cake.?? …. I've e
Dirk Diggler "He's playing in the hole"
Del Garnett The boy's done good, you know, he's covered every inch of grass out there
Swiss T "With the offense you win games, but with the defense you win championships."

And here is the one I hate (consider that I am swiss and we are not participating): "Every defeat is a victory in itself."??

Euroguff University – West Germany v Italy, semi-final World Cup, Mexico 70
As a forerunner of Thursday's match, let's look back to a previous encounter (cold war nomenclature discounted) between these teams. A great match, in the days where games had jazz-samba soundtracks and incredible tracksuits.??Given that stretchers are mandatory today for cramp, it's quite astonishing that Beckenbauer dislocates his shoulder and just gets up by himself.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lS2wo_EF3PU?wmode=transparent]

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Tweets for my tweet, sugar for my honey??